User blog comment:Jim Logan/MGSFanon:Peacekeeper/@comment-24.253.123.249-20130519025427

I'm enjoying the story so far, so I don't have much to say about the plot other than that it's pretty good. *gestures*

The dialog leaves a bit to be desired, though. It kind of reads like a script, which leads to the characters feeling a bit emotionally challenged. The issue isn't with the dialog itself, just the presentation of it. I'd suggest ditching the script format and writing in paragraphs instead, to avoid the she said/he replied circle. You did this quite well in parts of Sins of the Patriots, and I definitely think it'd better the quality of your story, which has a great amount of potential.

And like I said, your story is entertaining and imaginitive, and it fits the universe well. Wether or not you take my advice, I'll still be following it. : )