Metal Gear Solid 3 radio conversations

These are a list of conversations in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater that are either funny or contain some secrets. These can be obtained using the radio.

The Other Side
(to obtain this conversation, the player must call Major Zero after the fight with The Sorrow and before the meeting with EVA behind the waterfall)

Major: Snake.

Snake: ...

Major: Snake!

Snake: Wh-what...oh, Major...what do you want?

Major: What happened? You've been acting strangely ever since you were washed down the river.

Snake: I'm fine.

Major: I disagree.

Snake: Really?

Major: Yes.

Snake: ...

Major: Did something happen to you in that river?

Snake: No...

Major: Don't lie, Snake. I'm trying to help you.

Snake: All right. But you might not believe me when I tell you.

Major: I'll believe you. I trust you.

Snake: Ok then. When I was in that river...

Major: Yes?

Snake: I saw...the other side.

Major: The other side?

Snake: Yeah.

Major: And by the other side you mean...?

Snake: Well the world of the dead...I guess.

Major: ...

Snake: And the Sorrow was there. He was sad...no, more than that. He said I was a part of his sorrow...

Major: I...see...um, Snake, would you excuse me for a moment?

Snake: Huh? Sure...

(Major walks away, following conversation sounds distant)

Major: Para-Medic, what in the hell is wrong with Snake?

Para-Medic: Beats me... Maybe he got a nasty bump on the head.

Major: You really think thats all?

Para-Medic: What are you implying?

Snake: Major?

Major: I mean, he's always been a little bit...different...I thought maybe...

Para-Medic: Good point... I was just thinking that myself.

Snake: MAJOR!

Major: Wh-what is it, Snake?

Snake: I can hear you.

Major: !! W...well, in any case, I'm glad you're all right.

Para-Medic: Y...yeah. Me too. It's good to see you're back to ah...normal...

Snake: ...

Old Age
(to obtain this conversation, the player must wait several days without playing during the fight with The End.)

Snake: Major, I found The End. He's dead.

Major: What the hell happened?

Para-Medic: Maybe... it was from old age.

Major: You mean he kicked the bucket in the middle of a battle?

Para-Medic: Maybe...

Major: Well Snake, the victory is yours.

Snake: ...No, I don't think so.

Major: What do you mean?

Snake: It was his dying wish to fight me. But I disappointed him...

Major: Snake, listen to yourself. This is a mission. It's not a game, it's not a sport. You think you're competing for the gold at Tokyo or something?

Snake: ...I guess you're right...

Cardboard Box Talk With Sigint
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must have the cardboard box equipped)

Sigint: Uh, Snake... What are you doing?

Snake: I'm in a box.

Sigint: A cardboard box? Why are you...?

Snake: I dunno. I was just looking at it and I suddenly got this urge to get inside. No, not just an urge—more than that. It was my destiny to be here; in the box.

Sigint: Destiny...?

Snake: Yeah. And then when I put it on, I suddenly got this feeling of inner peace. I can't put it into words. I feel... safe. Like this is where I was meant to be. Like I'd found the key to true happiness.

Sigint: ...

Snake: Does any of that make sense?

Sigint: Not even a little.

Snake: You should come inside the box... Then you'll know what I mean.

Sigint: Man, I don't wanna know what you mean! Between you and Para-Medic, is everyone but me that is hooked up with the Major strange?!

Snake: ...

Sigint: Yeah, well, anyway, I suppose even that dumb-ass box might make a decent disguise if you wear it inside a building.

Sigint's opinion on the Naked Camo
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must be using the Naked camouflage.)

Sigint: Snake, what's up? Why are you naked? I know there's a "NAKED" option under "UNIFORM" that lets you take off the upper part of your uniform. But without a shirt on, your camouflage sucks, and your stamina goes down faster. You don't get any advantages whatsoever.

Snake: Sure there are.

Sigint: Like what?

Snake: It feels good.

Sigint: ...Man, you do whatever you want.

Snake: I will, thanks. Just one question, though.

Sigint: What?

Snake: Is there a way to take off my pants?

Sigint: Say WHAT?!

Snake: My pants, can I...

Sigint: Ah, hell no! This FOX unit is a nut fest!

(If one listens carefully after Sigint gives the above line, Snake laughs a little, suggesting he was trying to get that reaction.)

A Bit Slow
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must call EVA when he is in Groznyj Grad)

Snake: "EVA, about this Major Raikov..."

EVA: "Yes?"

Snake: "You said he had 'Colonel-class' authorization, right?"

EVA: "Right."

Snake: "But his rank is Major. So how can he have 'Colonel-class' authorization?"

EVA: "Raikov is treated as an officer of equal rank with Colonel Volgin."

Snake: "Treated as the same rank?"

EVA: "Yeah."

Snake: "Even though he's a Major?"

EVA: "Right."

Snake: "Why?"

EVA: "You don't know?"

Snake: "No."

EVA: "Even after seeing that photo?"

Snake: "Nope."

EVA: "Has anyone ever told you you're a bit slow?"

Snake: "What are you talking about?"

EVA: "I'll leave you to think about it."

Snake: "Wait a minute..."

EVA: "Gotta go."

Is There Something Missing?
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must call EVA after he met up with her behind the waterfall)

Snake: "EVA, about the contents of my backpack you got for me..."

EVA: "Is there something missing?"

Snake: "Yeah, all of my food."

EVA: "Well, how strange..."

Snake: "You didn't..."

EVA: "It wasn't me!"

Snake: "..."

EVA: "All those snakes and crocodiles and suspicious-looking mushrooms... I wouldn't eat that stuff even if you paid me!"

Snake: "What about the instant noodles?"

EVA: "..."

Snake: "EVA..."

EVA: "I was hungry, OK!? Give me a break! It's just a little packet of noodles..."

Snake: "It wasn't just the noodles. All those animals I worked so hard to capture..."

EVA: "That wasn't me."

Snake: "So who was it?"

EVA: "It was Ocelot."

Snake: "Ocelot?"

EVA: "He said he wanted to eat the same things you did."

Snake: "Why would he do that?"

EVA: "You haven't figured it out?"

Snake: "No."

EVA: "You are dense."

Snake: "...???"

Sigint's Nightmare
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must contact Sigint after experiencing Snake's Dream)

Funnily enough, what Sigint mentions in his nightmare about a "giant tank on two legs" is actually a Metal Gear. Sigint requests that Snake not let the dream come true, though of course in years forward, Snake does in fact let it come true, as does Sigint with REX.

Sigint: Snake, you OK?

Snake: Yeah. I had a terrible dream.

Sigint: No kidding. What happened?

Snake: I don't want to think about it. I was being attacked by monsters that looked human. And I'm... not even sure if I was really me.

Sigint: At least it was just a dream. It's all over when you wake up.

Snake: True.

Sigint: When you think about it, the fact that you can imagine a situation worse than the one you're in now means life can't be all that bad.

Snake: I sure hope so.

Sigint: Well, let me tell you about the absolute worst, most sickening nightmare I ever had. This isn't one for the kids. OK, so there's this big pile of crap, right? It's shaped like a giant tank and it's walking around on two legs, goin' on a rampage and stompin' on people and houses and stuff. And this giant turd is carrying the nastiest missiles you ever saw. Like, whenever it launches one of its turd missiles... whatever it hits - people, trees, buildings - turns into shit. My hometown, my old school, my family, my girlfriend, old man John... Everything in that turd's path turned into shit.

Snake: That's pretty sick, man.

Sigint: Good thing it was just a dream, huh?

Snake: Yes, that's a good thing.

Sigint: You feeling better now?

Snake: Yeah.

Sigint: Good. Then let's get down to business. You see, Snake, people are just sacks of shit and they're full of holes. Fill 'em up with water and it's gotta come out from somewhere... OK, maybe that was a bad example. What I'm trying to say is, no matter what the situation, there's always a way out. Don't throw in the towel yet. Clear your mind. Think it through. Assess the situation. You'll find a way to escape.

Snake: Got it.

Sigint: Don't let my nightmare come true.

Snake: Right.

Snake's A Bully
(to obtain this conversation Snake must contact Sigint after hitting EVA)

Sigint: What the hell, man...!!

Para-Medic: I can't believe you!!

Major: Of all the… I can see now I chose the wrong man for this mission...!

Snake's A Bully 2
(To obtain this conversation Snake must contact Major Zero after hitting EVA)

Major: Snake, why are you attacking Eva!?

Para-Medic: What were you thinking!? I thought you were better than that!

Sigint: I can't believe you, man!! You got a lot of nerve pulling something like that!

Major: Pull yourself together and focus on the enemy! That's an order!!

The Mask
(to obtain this conversation Snake must equip the mask and call Major Zero during the Virtuous Mission)

Major: Snake, are you wearing that mask again?

Snake: Yeah. For some reason is feels kind of... nostalgic.

Major: Yeah well... for some reason I don't like it.

Snake: Why not?

Major: Something about that face just rubs me the wrong way.

Snake: It looks fine to me... but if you hate it that much, why did you give it to me in the first place?

Major: Well... that mask was originally created for use in another mission. An agent was supposed to disguise himself as a Soviet officer and sneak into an enemy installation. We had it all set to go, but certain circumstances forced us to abort the mission. With the mission cancelled, the mask was going to be thrown away... but the guy at the CIA's tech division who created it pitched a fit...

Snake: Why'd he do that?

Major: He said it was too good to throw away.

Snake: ...

Major: According to him, that mask is a revolutionary new design that lets the wearer blink, something that wasn't possible up until now.

Snake: I'd think you'd want to make the lips move before bothering with the blinking.

Major: Yeah, I thought so too, but for some reason he's obsessed with making it blink...

Snake: Whoever he is, he sounds like a crackpot.

Major: Mmm. Well, he does good work. But I spend three days a month just dealing with the complaints we get about him... ah, well, never mind... Anyway, I decided to put this mask we had in storage to good use by hiding your identity from the gunship crew.

Snake: I get it... so this mask is based on a model somewhere.

Major: That's right.

Snake: What do I do if I meet that guy?

Major: That's not going to be a problem.

Snake: Why not?

Major: The man the mask is based on is a GRU officer. You're in the KGB's sphere of influence. Chances are you won't run into him.

Snake: If I do?

Major: Beat the crap out of him.

Smoking Snake
(to obtain this conversation Snake must equip the cigar and call Para-Medic)

Para-Medic: Snake!

Snake: What?

Para-Medic: Are you smoking a cigarette?

Snake: Nope.

Para-Medic: Yes you are.

Snake: It's not a cigarette, it's a cigar.

Para-Medic: Same thing.

Snake: Not at all. In fact, there's a world of difference. There's nothing quite like the rich smell and mellow flavor of a cigar. And that thick, luxurious smoke is almost sensual when it...

Para-Medic: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Whatever. You know something?

Snake: Probably not, but I don't want to hear it.

Para-Medic: Well, you don't have a choice.

Snake: ...

Para-Medic: Cigarettes are bad for you.

Snake: It's not a cigarette, it's a...

Para-Medic: Quiet, you!

Snake: ...

Para-Medic: Smoking is bad for you. In a recent study, scientists found that tobacco smoke is full of carcinogenic substances, like nitrosamines. You know what that means? It means you're going to give yourself lung cancer if you keep on smoking.

Snake: But that's just what some scientists think, right?

Para-Medic: Oh, give me a break.

Snake: I heard it was just a bunch of hu-hah.

Para-Medic: Do you really believe that?

Snake: Sure.

Para-Medic: God, you're gullible. You ought to read this year's report from the Surgeon General. It proves, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that smoking causes lung cancer. Pretty soon the whole world will know that smoking is bad for you. Better quit now before it's too late.

Snake: But...

Para-Medic: And don't tell me cigar smoke is harmless because it doesn't go down into your lungs. It just means the cancer shows up in a different place.

Snake: ...

Para-Medic: Got it?

Snake: Yeah, yeah...

Smoking Snake 2
(to obtain this conversation call Sigint while having the cigar equipped)

Sigint: Snake, you smoking a cigarette?

Snake: It's not a cigarette. It's a cigar

Sigint: Ah, same thing

Snake: It's not the same thing

(If Snake has already spoke to Para-Medic about the cigar) Snake: Why am I the only one who can tell the difference?

Sigint: Doesn't matter to me. What I want to know is, why'd you take it with you?

Snake: Because I need it.

Sigint: For what?

Snake: I can't smoke a cigar if I don't have one, can I?

Sigint: So you just wanted to smoke it?

Snake: Yeah.

Sigint: ...Man, you got problems. Do what you want. Just keep in mind that your LIFE goes down when you're smoking it.

The Croc Cap
(to obtain this conversation Snake must equip the Croc Cap and call Major Zero)

Major: Snake, what in God's name...

Snake: How does it look?

Para-Medic: It looks cool!

Snake: Huh?

Para-Medic: It looks cool on you.

Snake: It does?

Para-Medic: Yeah!

Snake: I don't think "cool" is the right word.

Para-Medic: Why? What's wrong with it?

Snake: What's wrong... Don't you think it looks silly? Doesn't it make you laugh? Aren't you going to ask me what the hell I was thinking?

Para-Medic: No.

Snake: ...

Para-Medic: I think it really does look good. It reminds me of "The Alligator People."

Snake: Oh... the what?

Para-Medic: "The Alligator People." It's a science fiction movie. You've never heard of it?

Snake: No.

Para-Medic: Oh... well you should see it sometime. It's about this guy who gets hurt in a car accident and tries to heal his wounds by injecting himself with a crocodile serum, but then his head turns into a crocodile head. You look just like him with that mask on. That's awesome.

Snake: Right...

Para-Medic: ???

Major: Ah, never mind. I suppose you might be able to disguise yourself as a crocodile by wearing that cap and sticking your head out of the water.

Sigint & The Croc Cap
(to obtain this conversation Snake must equip the Croc Cap and call Sigint)

Sigint: A cap shaped like a crocodile head, you say?

Snake: Yeah. What do you think?

Sigint: I think it's a great idea! You know, animal disguises are one of the oldest tricks in the book in the intelligence world. I don't know whether it's true or not, but I've heard that during World War II, the OSS used to use cow suits. Supposedly they'd send agents out to hide in herds of real cows so they could spy on enemy units as they passed by. Nowadays, I guess most people wouldn't even give a crocodile-shaped cap a second look. They'd think it was just a gag item. But if you use it the right way, it can be an effective weapon for spying. I gotta hand it to you, Snake, you're one sharp guy.

Snake: ...

Sigint: You OK, Snake?

Snake: Forget it...

Sigint: ???

EVA & The Croc Cap
(to obtain this conversation Snake must equip the Croc Cap and call EVA)

EVA: Snake?

Snake: EVA, what do you think?

EVA: (Laughs) What a dork! You must be kidding me! Are you willing to risk your life for that joke?

Snake: All right! Finally, I get a normal response...

EVA: ???

Snake: Everyone was giving me strange responses and acting like nothing was odd about it. I was starting to wonder myself, but now I feel better.

EVA: I'm not sure what you're talking about, but you look adorable in it. (Laughs) Sorry, I've got to go. This is too much.

Snake: ...

Russian Glowcap
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must eat a Russian Glowcap and call Para-Medic)

Para-Medic: I see you've found some Russian glowcaps. The Russian glowcap is kind of luminescent fungus - a mushroom that glows in the dark.

Snake: Why would a mushroom glow in the dark?

Para-Medic: It's bioluminescent, just like a firefly. It uses the so called luciferin-luciferase reaction. To put it simply, luciferin reacts with luciferase in the presence of magnesium two plus ions, breaking it down into oxyluciferin and carbon dioxide. The carbonyl groups in the oxyluciferin are initially in an electrically excited state. When they return to their base state, they give off light. Did you get all that?

Snake: Not really.

Para-Medic: Oh.

Snake: I ate one and it recharged my batteries!

Para-Medic: Huh!?

Snake: I thought a mushroom that glows that bright was bound to charge up my batteries if I ate it. And I was right.

Para-Medic: Y...you're serious...??

Snake: What's wrong?

Para-Medic: N...nothing... Um, Snake, can you excuse me for a second?

Snake: Sure.

Para-Medic's voice sounds more distant for these next lines.

Para-Medic: Did you just hear that?

Sigint: Yeah. There's no way eating a bioluminescent mushroom would cause your batteries to recharge.

Para-Medic: What do you think it means?

Sigint: Beats me... maybe it's all in his mind.

Para-Medic: You mean like a placebo effect?

Sigint: Why not? You've seen how gullible he is.

Para-Medic: I guess there's no harm done. Should we let him keep believing it?

Sigint: Sounds good to me.

Normal volume

Para-Medic: OK, Snake, I'm back. Yes, the Russian glowcap is a glowing mushroom, so it'll recharge your batteries when you eat it.

Snake: ???

Snake Can't Smell
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must call The Boss during the Virtuous Mission)

Boss: If you want to survive in the jungle, you're going to need to hone all of your senses. An unnatural movement in the undergrowth, a tiny shadow peeking out through the trees in the distance - always keep an eye out for any signs of the enemy's presence. Your sense of hearing is equally important. Visibility is poor in the jungle, so you've got to learn to pick up the enemy's presence from the sounds you hear around you. Always be listening for that one snap of a twig among the chirping of the birds and the babbling of the brooks. Your sense of smell is also important. Body odor, sweat, gunpowder, food... These faint smells wafting in the wind will tell you where the enemy...

Snake: Uh, no.

Boss: No?

Snake: I can't smell.

Boss: You... What now?

Snake: I can't smell.

Boss: Not at all?

Snake: Nope.

Boss: Not even a little bit?

Snake: Not a thing.

Boss: Oh... Well, then, you'll just have to trust in your instincts as a gamer.

Quack
(to obtain this conversation Snake must call Para-Medic during Operation Snake Eater)

Snake: Para-Medic.

Para-Medic: What's up?

Snake: Are you a medic, or a doctor?

Para-Medic: I'm a well-respected physician. Or I was, until I joined the CIA.

Snake: How was your reputation?

Para-Medic: My what?

Snake: Your reputation.

Para-Medic: Oh, that.

Snake: How was it?

Para-Medic: Why? Don't you trust me?

Snake: That's not what I meant.

Para-Medic: Fine, then.

Snake: Mm-hmm... So?

Para-Medic: So what?

Snake: Your reputation - how was it?

Para-Medic: My! You're relentless!

Snake: Hey, I'm a snake. So?

Para-Medic: My reputation was spotless. I'm highly skilled, patient, and good-looking to boot. Everybody wanted to see me. What else would you expect?

Snake: ...

Para-Medic: No, seriously.

Major: Incidentally, her nickname back then was "Quack."

Para-Medic: Major!

Snake: ...Is that true?

Para-Medic: Mm? Is what true?

Snake: About your nickname.

Para-Medic: No! ...Well, maybe a few people did call me that...

Snake: So you were a quack?

Para-Medic: No! ...Well, yes and no. I mean, in a sense I was, but then again I wasn't...

Snake: ???

Major: Snake, her skills as a doctor are beyond reproach. You have my word on that.

Para-Medic: Yes! That's exactly what I was trying to say, Snake.

Snake: Then why did they call her "Quack"?

Major: It's because she...

Para-Medic: Never mind that! It doesn't matter. We've got a job to do, and we have to stay focused. Besides, my past doesn't have anything to do with the mission and...

Snake: Because she never shuts up?

Major: Yes, that's it.

Para-Medic: No, that's not it! Snake, tell him that's not true!

Snake: ...

Para-Medic: Say something!

Snake: I'd better get back to the mission.

Major: Yes, you do that.

Para-Medic: Just a minute! Snake! Don't you hang up on me!

Snake's Been Trapped
(to obtain this conversation Snake must get hit by a trap in Chyornyj Prud and then call EVA)

EVA: Snake, be careful. I might not have told you this yet, but that swamp is rigged with traps.

Snake: Tell me about it.

EVA: So you know already?

Snake: Yeah.

EVA: Well, then, you're all set. The traps in that area are set to go off when a rope stretched along the ground is disturbed. Keep a close eye on the ground and make sure you don't trip over a rope. I mean, far be it for me to call you an idiot who can't avoid even the simplest of traps. But you know.

Snake: Rrgh...

EVA: What's the matter?

Snake: Nothing... never mind...

EVA: ???

The Patriot
(To obtain this conversation snake must equip the Patriot and call Sigint.)

Sigint: Using the Patriot, eh?

Snake: Yeah. It's the same one The Boss was using.

Sigint: Where'd you get it?

Snake: Hmm?

Sigint: I said, where'd you get it?

Snake: Sigint, don't get worked up over the details.

Sigint: ??? Whatever. Anyway, the Patriot is a one-of-a-kind sidearm made especially for The Boss. It's basically an XM16E1 with the barrel cut short and the stock taken off. The idea was to create a large pistol that combined the feel and quick handling of a handgun with the force of a rifle. But with a barrel that short, the recoil is unbelievable. It's tough to aim, but it more than makes up for it in firepower. From the looks of it, it's fitted with a 100-round drum magazine... And it never runs out of ammo?

Snake: Never.

Sigint: Why's that?

Snake: Because the internal feed mechanism is shaped like an infinity symbol.

Sigint: Ah, I get it. Yep, that'll give you unlimited ammo.

Afternoon Tea
(to obtain this conversation Snake must equip the Chocolate Chip camo and call Sigint)

Sigint: Ah, you're wearing the chocolate chip pattern.

Snake: Chocolate chip? You mean this camouflage?

Sigint: Yeah.

Snake: I've never heard of a camo pattern called that before...

Sigint: Yeah, I know. I just thought it up right now. The chocolate chip pattern is probably designed to provide cover in a desert environment. It should work best against a sandy or rocky background.

Snake: Makes sense. But why'd you call it chocolate chip?

Sigint: 'Cause that's what it reminds me of.

Snake: What?

Sigint: Those little round cookies the major is always snackin' on.

Major: They're not cookies. They're scones.

Sigint: Major!

Major: And it's not a snack. It's afternoon tea.

Sigint: Snack, tea, same thing.

Major: No, it's not! Look here, afternoon tea is a fine old English tradition.

Sigint: Uh oh. Here we go again. Talk to you later, Snake.

Major: The origins of afternoon tea go back to the Victorian Era. Anna Maria, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, was...

Wear Whatever You Want
(to obtain this conversation, Snake must equip the Tuxedo or GA-KO and call The Boss during the Virtuous Mission)

The Boss: Snake...

Snake: What's up, Boss?

The Boss: Don't you "What's up" me. Just what do you think you're doing?

Snake: What do you mean?

The Boss: "What do I mean..." What is that camouflage you're wearing?

Snake: Oh, this. What do you think?

The Boss: Of all the...

Snake: Looks pretty good on me, doesn't it?

The Boss: Are you out of your mind? You can't wear that in battle! It's like saying to the enemy, "Hey, here I am! Shoot me!"

Snake: Well, I'll admit, it's a little on the flashy side...

The Boss: Then why don't you...

Snake: But it does look good on me, doesn't it?

The Boss: ...

Snake: You don't think so?

The Boss: Listen, wise ass! Camouflage isn't going to do jack if it doesn't help you blend in with your surroundings!

Snake: Well, I think it looks good on me...

The Boss: Fine! Wear whatever you want!

Snake: ...I thought you'd like it...

Sneaking Suit
(to obtain this, you must equip Sneaking Suit and call Sigint)

Sigint: Those are some funky clothes you're wearing.

Snake: Yeah, it's called a sneaking suit.

Sigint: Sneaking suit? What's that all about?

Snake: I'm not sure, but it looks like the same suit that the Boss was wearing...

Sigint: Huh. Well, whatever it is, it's a fine piece of work. The suit seems to be made out a special bulletproof fiber. Wearing it should reduce all the damage you take by half. The waterproofing, heat and moisture insulation are top-notch. Just having it on will reduce the amount of stamina you burn. It even increases your overall Camo index. You got yourself a keeper, Snake.

Snake: Yeah, maybe we should make this the official uniform of FOX.

The Guide is Only Wrong Once
(to obtain this, the player must eat a Ural luminescent mushroom and than call Para-Medic)

Para-Medic: I see you found some Ural luminescent mushrooms. The Ural luminescent mushroom is a mushroom only found in Tselinoyarsk. It looks like a shiitake mushroom and it's often found growing on the trunks of trees.

Snake: If it looks like a shiitake mushroom then it must be edible right?

Para-Medic: Yup. I can't guarantee it'll taste like a shiitake mushroom, though.

(Snake eats mushroom. Calls Para-Medic.)

Snake: By the way, Para-Medic, I tried that Ural luminescent mushroom you were talking about.

Para-Medic: So, how does it taste?

Snake: It was poisonous.

Para-Medic: What?

Snake: It was a poison mushroom.

Para-Medic: Really?

Snake: Yeah.

Para-Medic: That's weird... the guide says it's...

Snake: Are you sure that guide is reliable?

Para-Medic: Don't worry, it's fine. It just happened this one time.

Snake ...

Sigint's Mask
(To obtain this, the player must call Sigint while wearing the Raikov mask)

Sigint: Ah, you're wearing the mask. I made it myself. Pretty good work, don't you think? A while back they were planning to disguise someone as this one GRU officer and send them in to steal some secret documents. I created the mask for that operation. But then the mission ended up being canceled...and then the major came and told me to throw it out? Can you believe that guy?

Snake: But you didn't throw it out.

Sigint: Are you kidding? Tossing a superior quality product like that into the garbage without using that would be an insult to science.

Snake: What's so great about it?

Sigint: Everything. But if I had to pick one reason, I'd have to say it's because it's the first mask ever that can blink its eyes.

Snake: What about the lips?

Sigint: What's that?

Snake: Can it open its mouth?

Sigint: Ha ha ha. That's a good one, Snake. You're crazy, man.

Snake: I'm serious...

Sigint: Are you even listening to me, Snake? Where's your common sense!? Damn!

Snake: S... sorry...?

Aliens
(to obtain this, the player must call Para-Medic while wearing the Raikov mask)

Para-Medic: Snake, I... Ah!

Snake: ?

Para-Medic: H... hello there.

Snake: Para-Medic, it's me.

Para-Medic: Snake? Oh, it's you. For a minute there, I thought you were someone else...

Snake: Why are you so nervous? You've seen this mask before, right?

Para-Medic: Yeah, but it looks so cool...

Snake: Huh?

Para-Medic: Cool. You know? Kind of like a Venusian.

Snake: A Venusian?

Para-Medic: I mean, not the crab kind... the other kind.

Snake: Para-Medic, do you really think a guy you've never seen before would suddenly call you on this frequency?

Para-Medic: I know it sounds ridiculous. But still... what if it was a being from another planet? You can't rule out that possibility.

Snake: ...

It does make you look cool!
(to obtain this, the player must call Sigint while wearing the Zombie face paint)

Sigint: Snake, your face paint its...

Snake: I know. It's called Zombie

Sigint: Zombie? What does that mean?

Snake: Beats me.

Para-Medic: Are you serious?

Sigint: Hello. Para-Medic...

Para-Medic: You mean you've never heard of zombies?

Snake: Nope.

Sigint: Never.

Para-Medic: You guys don't know anything. A zombie is a dead body cursed and brought back to life by a master of black magic. Supposedly, they revive the dead and use them as slaves. It's also seen as a kind of punishment-people who commit terrible crimes can be forced to labor even after they're dead.

Snake: Interesting...How do you know all this stuff?

Para-Medic: I saw it in movies. Like White Zombie. Never seen it?

Snake: Nope.

Sigint: Can't say I have.

Para-Medic: How about Plan 9 from Outer Space?

Snake: No.

Sigint: Missed it.

Para-Medic: You can't just focus on the things you like all the time. You have to expand your horizons, try new things. You guys need to get out more.

Snake: ...

Sigint: ...Yeah well, anyway, that face paint doesn't look all that useful. Go ahead and wear it if you want, but if I were you I'd change to...

Para-Medic: You don't need to change anything.

Sigint: Why not?

Para-Medic: It makes him look awesome

Sigint: ...

Para-Medic: Doesn't it?

Sigint: Look, arguing about it isn't going to get us anywhere. Snake, you wear whatever you want.

Para-Medic: It does make you look cool!

The Major likes 007
(this is a conversation between Snake, Para-Medic, and Major Zero)

Para-Medic: Snake, have you seen 007: From Russia with Love?

Snake: I don't like those movies. Real spies are nothing like James Bond. It's pure fantasy.

Para-Medic: Snake, I don't think the Major's going to like you saying that.

Snake: And even though it's fiction, I can't help but comparing myself to Bond.

Major: What exactly don't you like about James Bond? Is it the fantastic gadgets? The cars? The guns?

Snake: Major...!

Major: Snake, wouldn't you like to have a gun shaped like a pen?

Snake: What good is a pen going to do me in the jungle? I'd look like a fool.

Major: Then what about a snake-shaped gun? You could make it look like you're grappling with a giant snake and then get a shot in on the enemy while they're distracted.

Snake: OK, now you're being ridiculous.

Major: We'll make you a snake-shaped gun that folds up and fits into an attache case.

Snake: Will you give it a rest?

Major: Oh, I get it. You're worried about how to handle the ladies, aren't you?

Snake: No...

Major: I knew it. Hmm...To tell you the truth, I don't like the idea of playing hanky-panky with enemy femme fatales, either. But that's part of Bond's appeal. You could learn a thing or two from him. What about this EVA? What are you planning to do with her?

Snake: I...I don't even trust her yet.

Major: That's not what I mean. You can't let yourself get involved. This is a game of spy versus spy. She's using you just as much as you're using her.

Snake: I realize that.

Major: You've got to grab the initiative. And to do that, you have to get the upper hand in the relationship. That's what a spy is supposed to do.

Snake: Get the upper hand...I don't think I'm cut out for that mission.

Major: Maybe if you changed your code name to Double-O-Snake?

Snake: Major...

Major: 007 is the biggest thing to come out of England since the Mayflower. I wouldn't be surprised if they made 20 more of those movies.

Para-Medic: Didn't you know? The Major is a huge James Bond fan. Don't get him worked up like this.

Snake: Worked up?

Para-Medic: Maybe you don't realize this, but now that you've got him started talking about Bond, I'm going to have to listen to him lecture for a whole hour after he gets off the radio.

Snake: You have my sympathy.

Para-Medic: It's too bad you can't enjoy such a great movie, though.

Snake: I guess I'm just one of those people who can't enjoy spy flicks.

The Major is Not Strange
Major Tom: "Your sensors and other electronic devices cannot be used indefinitely. Once they are activated, they consume battery power. Remember, all items draw power from a single battery. Once your battery runs out, all electronic gear becomes inoperable. You can check your remaining battery power with the icon of any item that uses electricity. Take care not to waste power. The battery recharges when not in use. When you want to recharge the battery, unequip all electronic devices and give it some time. The higher your Stamina Gauge, the faster your battery recharges. If you want to recharge faster, eat food and recover your stamina. Also, if you run, roll, or do other dramatic actions, the battery will recharge faster."

Snake: "Wait a second."

Major Tom: "What is it?"

Snake: "The higher my stamina, the faster my battery recharges?"

Major Tom: "That's what I said."

Snake: "But what does my stamina have to do with the battery?"

Major Tom: "Oh, I see what you're getting at. Let's have Para-Medic explain that. Para-Medic?"

Para-Medic: "Yes, sir. It's because Snake's battery uses bioelectricity."

Snake: "Bioelectricity?"

Para-Medic: "Bioelectricity is electricity emitted from cells. When the cells of living things are stimulated, sodium and potassium ions move rapidly through the cell membrane's ion channel, creating a difference in electric potential. The battery uses that energy to recharge. So, unless your cells have plenty of nutrients, the recharge won't work well."

Snake: "Amazing the kind of machines that are available now..."

Para-Medic: "But this machine has not been made public. It was designed by a scientist at the CIA's Directorate of Science and Technology."

Snake: "What kind of person was he?"

Para-Medic: "The person who designed it?"

Snake: "Yeah."

Para-Medic: "I heard he was pretty strange."

Snake: "Stranger than the Major?"

Para-Medic: "There's nothing strange about the Major."

[In the background, Major Tom's voice is heard:]

Major Tom: "My tea is gone! Who drank it!? How am I supposed to have teatime without tea!?"

Para-Medic: "Well, not too strange, at least."

Snake: "..."

Major Tom: "Hey, my scone's gone, too!!"

Foreshadowing Cloning
Para-Medic: Snake, whatever happens to you, make sure you leave a descendant, OK?

Snake: Are you saying you want to have my baby?

Para-Medic: No. I’m saying that in the 21st century, the genes of soldiers like you are going to be in high demand.

Snake: Genes?

Para-Medic: Uh huh. Remember when Watson and Crick discovered the double helix structure of DNA back in 1953?

Snake: No.

Para-Medic: You know, they won the Nobel Prize in Medicine for it the year before last?

Para-Medic: Of course, you have to feel sorry for Pauling and Franklin. They were researching the exact same thing.

Snake: Sorry. I don’t follow.

Para-Medic: Inside every living creature are little blueprints called genes.

Para-Medic: Through the union of the sperm and egg cells, these blueprints are transformed and inherited by the next generation.

Para-Medic: That’s why parents and children resemble each other.

Para-Medic: The concept of genes was first proposed over a hundred years ago by Mendel, but he didn’t know what they were exactly.

Para-Medic: For a while, it was thought that chromosomes were composed not of deoxyribonucleic acid, but of proteins called polypeptides.

Para-Medic: Later, it was shown that deoxyribonucleic acid, or DNA was a biological macromolecule.

Para-Medic: Then, 11 years ago, Watson and Crick discovered that DNA had a double-helix structure

Snake: This is all fascinating stuff, but what exactly does it have to do with me?

Para-Medic: The inherent characteristics of any given individual are determined by his or her genes.

Para-Medic: By duplicating a set of superior genes, a separate body with the same set of characteristics – a clone – can be created.

Snake: But genes don’t control a person’s fate.

Para-Medic: That’s true. But having an offspring that’s genetically identical to the parent is more efficient, right?

Para-Medic: You can expect better results that way.

Snake: More efficient? You can’t mass-produce human beings!

Para-Medic: Maybe. But now that we know the true nature of genes, human cloning is that much closer to reality.

Para-Medic: Nuclear transplanting is already theoretically possible. So one day…

Snake: My genes are going to be a valuable commodity?

Para-Medic: Exactly.

Snake: They’d never let that happen.

Para-Medic: Just think – even if your body dies, you survive and go on to bigger and better accomplishments.

Para-Medic: If you think about it, it’s kind of an honor.

Snake: Does that kind of technology seriously appeal to you?

Para-Medic: Well, I am a doctor.

Snake: …

Para-Medic: I can’t condone it on moral grounds, but I’m fascinated by the possibilities.

Para-Medic: Especially when I see such an excellent specimen as yourself.

Snake: Yeah, well, thanks for the compliment, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

Para-Medic: Don’t be so glum. It’s not like it’s going to happen anytime soon.

Para-Medic: We’ll just have to wait and see.

Advising the Enemy
(To obtain this, contact Para-Medic after the first meeting with Ocelot)

Para-Medic: By the way, Snake.

Snake: What?

Para-Medic: What was that little lecture back there?

Snake: Lecture?

Para-Medic: You were instructing the GRU commander, weren't you? Something about the first round, or his hand.

Snake: Yeah...

Para-Medic: What was that supposed to mean?

Snake: Mmm... Whenever he put a new clip in his gun he'd always load the first round by hand, whether there was a round left in the chamber or not. It's a technique they teach in the Middle East. By making sure there's always a round in the chamber, you eliminate the risk of pulling the trigger with nothing to fire. He must have heard about it from someone, or read it somewhere... in any case, he probably wanted to try it out for himself. And he was obviously motivated by vanity to show off his new technique. That's when you make mistakes. The battlefield is an unforgiving place. The only techniques you can rely on are the ones you've mastered through experience and practice.

Para-Medic: Uh huh. And what were you saying about him being more suited to revolver?

Snake: When he fired, he was bending his elbow sharply to avoid the recoil. It looked like he wasn't aware he was doing it, but that habit can be either a fatal flaw or a gift.

Para-Medic: What do you mean?

Snake: Automatic weapons use recoil to operate, so if you don't let the recoil hit you, it interferes with the operating cycle of the gun. Basically, he shouldn't be trying to avoid the impact like that. But with a revolver, there's no need to let the recoil hit you. Just the opposite - avoiding the recoil lets you reduce the strain on your hand and arm. That kid might just be handy with a high-caliber revolver.

Para-Medic: Handy...? Are you listening to yourself?

Snake: What do you mean?

Para-Medic: He's the enemy! Why are you giving him advice?

Snake: I...

Para-Medic: Snake?

Snake: ...I don't know. For some reason, I couldn't help but point it out to him...

Para-Medic: ...Snake, are you alright?

Snake:...Yeah...

Bikini Atoll
Para-Medic: Snake, I've been looking at your medical record. You've been exposed to an atomic blast?

Snake: Yeah, the 'Bravo Shot.' It was a hydrogen bomb test at Bikini Atoll on March 1, 1954. I was at the American base on Kwajalein in the Marshall Islands when the ashes of death started falling from the sky.

Para-Medic: Any symptoms?

Snake: None...at least not yet. But a lot of the guys who were in it with me are now suffering from thyroid cancer and leukemia. Some of them are dead already. One of these days...anyway, I'd better get back to the mission.

Para-Medic: Yeah...

The Hind is born part 1
(To get this conversation, simply contact Sigint at Bolshaya Past Base when near the parked Hind A chopper.)

Snake: Sigint.

Sigint: What's up?

Snake: The chopper we were talking about is parked at the heliport.

Sigint: The one that was hauling the Shagohod in the Virtuous Mission?

Snake: Yeah.

Major Zero: Perhaps it is an armed variation of the Mi-8 Hip?

Snake: No. Some of it looks the same, but the overall shape is different. It's got stub wings, and the cockpit canopy looks like an angular greenhouse.

Sigint: No kidding. Then it must be some kind of new model. I've heard stories recently that the Soviets are developing a "flying infantry combat vehicle." That's got to be it.

Snake: A flying infantry combat vehicle?

Sigint: Yeah. A transport chopper with troop carrying capabilities. Think of it as an attack-chopper version of France's AMX-VCI or the Soviet BMP. They must be doing field tests on the initial prototype.

Snake: A next-generation chopper that's a little smaller than the Hip... Maybe we should call it a Hind.

Sigint: Hmm, not bad. It's cool with me.

Snake: Then it's settled. We'll refer to that new-type helicopter as a Hind from now on.

The Hind is born part 2
(To get this conversation, simply contact Sigint at Krasnogorje's Mountain Side after witnessing the Hind A moving about. Note, you must not sabotage it back at Bolshaya Past.)

Snake: Sigint.

Sigint: What's up?

Snake: The chopper we were talking about is flying around...

Sigint: The one at the heliport?

Snake: Yeah.

Major Zero: Perhaps it is an armed variation of the Mi-8 Hip?

Snake: No. Some of it looks the same, but the overall shape is different. It's got stub wings, and the cockpit canopy looks like an angular greenhouse.

Sigint: No kidding. Then it must be some kind of new model. I've heard stories recently that the Soviets are developing a "flying infantry combat vehicle." That's got to be it.

Snake: A flying infantry combat vehicle?

Sigint: Yeah. A transport chopper with troop carrying capabilities. Think of it as a attack-chopper version of France's AMX-VCI or the Soviet BMP. They must be doing field tests on the initial prototype.

Snake: A next-generation chopper that's a little smaller than the Hip... Maybe we should call it a Hind.

Sigint: Hmm, not bad. It's cool with me.

Snake: Then it's settled. We'll refer to that new-type helicopter as a Hind from now on.

Objekt 279s
(To get this conversation, contact Sigint when you are positioned near one of the Tanks.)

Sigint: Hey, those tanks look like Objekt 279s.

Snake: Objekt 279s?

Sigint: Yup. We don't have a lot of details yet, but apparently they're a kind of heavy tank designed to operate in situations involving the use of tactical nuclear weapons. They're distinguished by two sets of double treads and a disk-shaped shield, which keeps it from being flipped over in a nuclear blast. Basically, the four treads widen the traction area and increase friction with the ground, while the disk-shaped shield deflects the blast above and below the vehicle. The tank is armed with a 130 mm cannon. It's also got a 1000 horsepower diesel engine, which gives it a decent top speed. As far as we knew, it hadn't been formally adopted because of the high cost of production...but it looks like we were wrong. Anyway, those don't seem to be ready for deployment yet. You don't need to worry about them going anywhere. Just keep moving.

Dangerous Swampland
Major Tom: Snake, be careful of that swamp. Snake: What's dangerous about it? Major Tom: It's a bottomless swamp. Snake: A bottomless swamp? Major Tom: Yes. The mud in that swamp is highly viscous [sic]. It will stick to your body like tar. It will be impossible for you to swim. If you get swallowed by the bottomless swamp, you won't be able to escape on your own. Once you sink down to about head-level, you'll be trapped for good. Make sure you get out before that happens. Snake: So, I have to make sure I don't sink too far. Got it. Major Tom: Snake, wait. Snake: There's more? Major Tom: Yes. Snake: What? Major Tom: Crocodiles. Snake: Crocodiles? Major Tom: Yes. Snake: Crocodiles? Like the reptile... Major Tom: That's correct. More accurately, they're Indian Gavials. Snake: What are crocs doing deep in this forest? Major Tom: You'll have to ask Para-Medic about that one. Para-Medic? Para-Medic: Yes. The Indian Gavial is a crocodile that originally lived in freshwater regions in India and Nepal. Snake: Why are Indian crocodiles way out here? Para-Medic: They're captive crocodiles that were brought here for research purposes, but escaped and became wild again. Indian Gavials are large creatures - adult males grow to over six meters in length. You'll never catch one alive. Even if you use the tranquilizer gun. Snake: Got it. So, how do they... Para-Medic: Taste? Yes, I did look into that. You know what they always say - tastes like chicken! Snake: Sounds delicious. Para-Medic: But be careful when capturing an Indian Gavial. Normally, they're cowardly creatures, but the ones in the forest there are belligerent. Apparently they attack humans. Snake: What do you mean? Para-Medic: They weren't the direct subject of any serious research, but some think they may have become violent as a side-effect of the atomic research that was conducted nearby.