Secret Theater

Secret Theatre is an unlockable feature that showcases humorous alternate endings to certain cutscenes. It is unlocked upon completing Metal Gear Solid 3: Subsistence. It may also be unlocked by answering I like MGS3! to the first-time questionnaire.

The Beginning is the End
During his insertion jump for operation Virtuous Mission, Snake releases his parachute a little too soon and falls down the cliff. Campbell then informs Snake that he has caused a Time Paradox.

Gotcha This Time!
After molding some C3 into a butterfly, Snake tosses it up and catches it, quipping "Gotcha this time!" and sticks it to the fuel-tank of the Shagohod. Unfourtenatly, he slams it a little too hard, causing the timer to reset to 0 and detonate the other charges and destroying the hangar.

Get Down!
A renactment of EVA saving Snake from enemy soldiers, only the soldiers are replaced with members of LBJ's cabinet and Snake and EVA are replaced by Sokolov and a Sokolov in drag, respectively.

Payback
Snake is sneaking through a jungle, until the Director of the CIA appears and Snake asks why is he here. The scene then switches to a flashback of Snake refusing to shake the Director's hand. The scene then switches back to Snake who tries to attack the Director only to be placed into submission by him. The Director holds out his hand for Snake to shake, until he eventually does so. At this point, cameramen begin taking photos of Snake and the Director shaking hands and the scene switches to Snake the Director in the same field where Snake fought the Boss. Snake and the Director begin to dance together and even share a kiss on the mouth. Major Zero, Para-Medic and Granin are seen in the background applauding them both. The "Metal Gear Solid" title graphic then appears on the screen, only it's been altered to say "Metal Gear Stupid".

The last scene is a naked Raiden holding an AK-47 and futilely running from the Shagohod as it runs him over.

Cat-like Behavior
Snake taunts Ocelot for using a decorative revolver, saying that he can't shoot him. Ocelot takes his gun off of EVA and shoots him. Ocelot then muses that he never lets his prey escape while EVA rides away on her motorcycle. An infuriated Ocelot then curses her as a "Bitch!" four times.

The Quick Version
Ocelot speeds up to the WIG on a hovering platform in an effort to have one last showdown with Snake. When he attempts to jump into the craft, he instead hits the other door and tumbles outside into the water. As the screen blacks out, Snake chuckles to himself.

The Joy
In the scene where Sokolov is abducted by the Cobra Unit, The Pain's hornets swarm around The Boss instead of Sokolov. The Boss throws herself from the bridge and activates her microbomb, screaming "The Joy!" as it explodes. Snake, Sokolov, and Volgin stare down blankly; Snake salutes The Boss while Volgin wonders "What is she after?"

I Read Them For The Articles
In renacting Snake's first meeting with Sokolov, Snake finds Sokolov trying to hide dirty magazines inside an unlit fire stove. Sensing something suspicious, Snake tranquilizes Sokolov and helps himself to Sokolov's magazines. Sokolov then wakes up as the scene suddenly fades to black. When the scene comes back, Snake and Sokolov are both enjoying a magazine together.

Metal Gear S...
After Snake makes a successful air-drop insertion, Major Zero suddenly informs him that he will be joined up with another operative, who turns out to be Sigint. Various scenes are shown where Sigint always comes out as the victor while Snake is left as the loser.

Die Hard
As the Shagohod chases EVA and Snake on bike, Volgin tries to ram through a parked MIG vehicle, but instead, ends up flipping over the plane and doing several aerodynamic rolls down the runway. EVA and Snake park their bike just in time to see an enraged Volgin fly out of the tank and straight toward them screaming "I'm not finished yet!" when suddenly, Ocelot drives up behind him and mistakenly launches him into stratosphere. After the scene fades to black, EVA can be heard saying "Give it up already."

The Ultimate Weapon
As Snake watches several choppers transport the Shagohod, The Boss challenges him to an impromptu game of Rock-Paper-Scissors. After Snake fails to beat The Boss using all three options, Snake does a combined version of all the options. Embarrassed and humiliated, The Boss flys down low to Snake, pointing a Davy Crocket launcher right in his face. Despite Ocelot's and Snake's arrogant protests, The Boss pulls the trigger and ends a good deal of the game's cast as Major Zero desperately tries to contact Snake.

Made In the USA
When Snake receives his gun from EVA, he excitedly goes all over its details. When he squeezes the trigger however, he is dismayed to find out that it is only a novelty cigar lighter as EVA lights one up using its flame.

Basashi
When Snake finds the Boss's horse in a small clearing, Para-Medic appears and accuses Snake of wanting to eat it. It is only after this that Snake actually wants to eat the horse. Behind Snake, The Boss is shown to be extremely furious steam literally pouring off her head as she speeds away making comical train noises. Meanwhile, Para-Medic continues to lecture Snake while enemy reinforcements surround the both of them. Both are completely unaware as they continue to banter even when the screen fades out.

Close Call
When Snake jumps from the sidecar to engage the Shagohod, he jumps too late and gets caught in the tank's corkscrew treads. After being smashed into the ground repeatedly, he is tossed up into the air stripped of his camo. After he lands, the Shagohod can be seen in the background chasing a screaming EVA. As the scene fades to black, Snake kneels down and contacts Major Zero, who can be heard saying "That was a close call."

He's Still Got It
Back in Ponizovje, Colonel Volgin orders EVA to come with him to his room. As EVA walks past The End, he quickly steals a glimpse of her walking him and is revived. End thanks EVA for "waking him" and gets out of his wheelchair and begins stalking after her throughout Groznyj Grad, protecting her from Ocelot's intimidation tactics by putting a dart in his neck. Later, EVA meets up with Snake underneath the waterfall and is enraged by Snake's advances. At the end of the game, The End expresses his disappointment in EVA while hiding in the bearskin rug and waits for EVA outside the mansion on the morning after. While aiming at EVA in the middle of the road, End gets caught up in his monologue and is hit by EVA's motorcycle. As The End flies through the air slowly dying, he announces that he has no regrets and detonates his microbomb.

MGS4 TGS 2005 Teaser Trailer
Snake is first shown hiding behind a wall from a group of soldiers in a firefight. Suddenly, a plane bombs out the wall, leading to his discovery as the wall comes down. A series of taglines, canned laughter and sound effects can be heard as the troops give chase. Snake then comes to a clearing of twelve director's chairs, which are quickly occupied by the soldiers. Desperate for a chair of his own, Snake flips a passing soldier and tries to approach the chair as another soldier suddenly sits down in it. Enraged, Snake pulls out an assault rifle and dispatches all of the soldiers. Snake picks up a seat, sits down in it and then pulls off his face to reveal that he is Raiden wearing a Snake mask.

The scene then switches to a dark open space with Raiden approaching a single director's chair labeled "Main Character". Suddenly, a large figure wearing trifocal night vision goggles stealthily approaches the chair. Then the lights come back up as the figure is revealed to be the real Snake. Both characters then make a mad dash for the chair. As the two seemingly collide, a close-up is shown of a triumphant looking Snake sitting in the chair. The camera then pans out as it reveals both Snake and Raiden are sitting in the chair. Raiden tries to take down Snake, but proves to show insufficient CQC skill as Snake throws him into the darkness. Satisfied, Snake takes his rightful place in the chair and smokes a cigar. As Snake gets up to leave and turns off the lights, Raiden pops up from a secret hatch in the floor. A distinct "ding" sound can be heard as Raiden sits down in the chair.