Metal Gear Solid 2 radio conversations

These are a list of conversations in Metal Gear Solid 2: Sons of Liberty that are either funny or contain some secrets. These can be obtained using the Codec.

Raiden's Blood
Colonel: You're currently using artificial blood primed with nanomachines.

Raiden: What did you do with my own blood?

Colonel: It's being kept in cold storage. It will be circulated back into your body when you return. If the Life Gauge drops to the red zone, you won't be able to stop the bleeding by yourself. Bloodstains can give your presence away to the enemy; be careful. To stop the flow, select the Bandage from among your items... You can also go into a crouch or crawl and stay completely still for a while. All you have to do is stop moving for a duration of time and your nanomachines will arrange forplatelets to be produced in large numbers. The bleeding will stop as a result.

GW Weirdness
All of the following conversations take place towards the end of the game, as Raiden is running naked through Arsenal Gear to meet up with Solid Snake.

I Need Scissors! 61!
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: I hear it's amazing when the famous purple stuffed worm in flap-jaw space with the tuning fork does a raw blink on Hara-kiri Rock. I need scissors! 61!

Cheating
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: You wouldn't be trying to give yourself a bogus score using some ingenious trick would you? That's just about as low as anyone could possibly stoop! I can't believe you sometimes...

Operation Intrude N313
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: ...Infiltrate... ...the enemy fortress... ...Outer Heaven! ...Destroy... ...the final weapon... ...Metal Gear!

Variety Level 13
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Variety Level 13. Rescue Meryl, the "Return of Genola."

The 4th Wall
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Honestly, though, you have played the game for a long time. Don't you have anything else to do with your time?

Unfaithful Rosemary
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Actually, there is something I have been meaning to tell you but I just couldn't... I think you should know, though. On Saturday morning last week I saw a guy leaving Rosemary's room... How should I put it, it was like they were... "intimate." I'm sorry. Sorry to bring this up during the mission, but...

Mei Ling's Encouragement
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Snake, remember what De Gaulle said: "The graveyards are full of indispensable men." Snake, you're all alone and surrounded by bad guys. Try to be careful and avoid getting into a fight whenever you can.

Ghost Babel
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Your mission is to infiltrate the fortress Galuade, rescue the hostages and neutralize Metal Gear before its assembly is complete.

Game Over
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Raiden, turn the game console off right now!

Raiden: What did you say?

Colonel: The mission is a failure! Cut the power right now!

Raiden: What's wrong with you?

Colonel: Don't worry, it's a game! It's a game just like usual.

Rosemary: You'll ruin your eyes sitting so close to the TV.

Raiden: What are you talking about!?

Colonel's Abduction
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Raiden, something happened to me last Thrusday when I was driving home. I had a couple of miles to go -- I looked up and saw a glowing orange object in the sky, to the east! It was moving very irregularly... Suddenly, there was intense light all around me -- and when I came to, I was home. What do you think happened to me...?

Raiden: Huh?

Colonel: Fine, forget it...

Go Home, Raiden
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Even my patience has its limits. I just can't leave this thing up to you any longer. I'll do the fighting! You can just go home!

Garden Variety
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: An Anemone or Clamatis plant's juice can cause a rash. When pruning them it's a good idea to wear gloves.

Former Lives
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: I was a North American Fall Webworm in my past life. Those were the good old days... What were you in your former life?

Variety Level 7
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Variety Level 7. Shoot down the space invaders! Training will have to be postponed if we are invaded by UFOs.

Two-point-five
(to obtain this conversation, Raiden must recieve a call from the Colonel in Arsenal Gear - Ascending Colon.)

Colonel: Communicator Entertainment Program Idea Spy 2.5 (Two-point-five), Episode 1. New York. Here in the city where dreams come true and desires rule, something is being bought, sold and thrown away, even as we speak. But behind the scenes of business as usual, the nefarious J.E. (Junker Expensive) Corporation lines its already bloaded coffers with profits from worthless products. As J.E. swindels yet another innocent into purchasing high-priced junk... the FBI mobilizes a top-secret task force to put a stop to the menace. Now, the city's best-kept secret spy is out there, briefed and ready to protect the people from J.E., the catalogue of conspiracy -- just call him 2.5 (Two-point-five).